Having your mother live with you after the birth?

[moss]

So. I haven't said this here yet (not because I'm ashamed or anything), but I am originally from America. My mother still lives there and she will soon be visiting me for six months. This was planned before I found out I was pregnant, but it IS lucky timing! This means she will be living with me for a month after the baby is born. I am very close to my mother. We are usually more like best friends than mother and daughter... but this can cause problems. We sometimes have terrible fights for stupid reasons. We're both over-sensitive. Part of me is worried that I won't be able to handle having a new baby with my mother in the house for a month.

I should add that she has already told me she isn't going to try to tell me how to do things or correct me. That will help already. She isn't overbearing in that way. Do you think you could have handled having your mother living with you for the first month? Does it sound like I will be okay?

 

[mrs_tommo22]

If you have a wonderful close relationship with your mum then it sounds great for you and the new baby.
Your mum can spend time with you and get to know her grandchild before she goes home. I think youl have a great time as long as she sticks to what she said about not bossing you about.


Me personally i dont get on with my mum so four words:

no way in hell!

 

[Suzie and Faith]

I'm still living at home and we can't afford our own place so not only will i be living with her but in her house! I don't think it'll be easy but she's had 5 kids and so i think i'll appreciate her help!

 

[clarey]

If you get on well and she wont mind being sent out on errands and helping you with the house so you can focus on the baby, then she will prob be a great help.
We are having a similar dilemma as my Mum lives 300 miles away and although I obviously want her to spend time with her grandchild I am not sure I want her staying in our tiny house for too long, and I certainly wouldnt have her stay in a hotel!!
Its so hard to know how you are going to feel after the birth, but at least your Mum is unlikely to take offence if you do get fed up!!

 

[lozzi]

my mum moved into my 2 bed roomed house, that me and my dad lived in, the day after i had bam. well me mum, my two sisters and my nephew



my mum was AMAZING helping bath bam as i struggled at first coz of c sec... and sat chatting with me during many hours whilst i fed ellouise.

 

[dannii87]

Sounds like you have a great relationship with your mum.
Her being there will more than likely bring both fantastic moments watching your mum (& best friend) and your much loved LO bonding and also times when you want to book the next flight back to the USA lol.

There may be times where she might want to take over, but it will more than likely be for your benefit, so you can rest etc. Those moments will probably be when you are in need of a much needed break and you'll so appreciate her being there...

Just remember, she has been there and will understand better than most what is REALLY best for both you and your baby

(I'm talking like you're a single parent?! I'm really sorry!...)

If you have a man in your life, then she won't have much choice other than to take a back seat as you'll have your number 2 in him.

I hope you have a lovely 6 months together and to end it with a bang she'll meet her little grandchild who she will ADORE and you'll have some additional support

xxx

 

[Redshoes]

I would say if you're happy with that then go for it However, I think it's important your OH is happy too as it's his new life, new baby as well as yours. Things can be hard enough to adjust to without extra people being there, not that they would intentionally be in 'the way' if that makes sense.

I personally wouldn't want anyone to have lived with us after Isaac was born, a relative or friend, I wanted us to start our new family relationships as the 3 of us.

I'd just tell your Mum that you've no idea how things will go, you can't know until LO arrives, and so to ask her to please be aware your feelings may change, and very best wishes

 

[sazzylou]

if you get on , then im sure it will be fab to have her around!

I usually get on with my mum, but shes already said she's coming round everyday after work when my baby's born...i was like "nooooooooo" lol, i love my mum, but im cant have her here everyday.

Is your OH happy about it? I know when my nephew and neice were born, everyday my brother got in his MIL would be there and he didnt like it at all His wife loved it, but when he got back from work he wanted to spend time with his family on his own, which is understandable....

But if youre all happy with it, then her help wikll probably be great

 

[moss]

My husband seems genuinely happy that she is coming. They have only gotten together a hand full of times in the seven years we have been together because of the distance. They got along well. He doesn't like when we fight, though. We have had screaming matches, but we never hold grudges. It has a lot to do with how I grew up. We were sometimes put in a situation where we were more like peers taking care of each other than the average parent and child relationship. We vent against each other.

I haven't seen my mother in just over three years, so I know the first five months will be fine. I just wish I could predict how a baby will change things!

 

[Dinski]

Sounds great. If you have a good relationship with your mum I think it is very important that she be around after the birth as it can all be quite overwhelming and she can help practically as well as emotionally - if you feel down you have someone close to comfort you. Even if you argue occasionally, I am sure it will still be better having her around than not.

I know that when me and my brother were born (twins) our grandmother came for 3 months from Latin America where she lived and she was a godsend as it really took some of the pressure off my mum.

Congrats on your pregnancy btw

 

[Miss.Monroe]

no way could i live with my mother! i moved out when i was 14 to live with my dad. and i am sick of my mum telling me how to bring this baby up already! i cant think of anything worse. i really do wish i was close to my mum and that i could go to her for help support and guidance, but unfortunatly i can't. my dad doesnt seem that intrested either, i told him when im scan was and he just tutted. so i cant imagine living with him either! lol

 

[Kylie1007]

My mum would have driven me mad she would go on about what a state my house was in or what I was eating

 

[Bee]

I am going to move ot my mum and dads for a few weeks after I give birth as I will be on my own

I'm looking forward to it I think.

 

[lozzi]

I appreicate my mum and dad SOOO much more now im a mum my self...


If your mum is anything like my mum, she'll bend over backwards to help you

 

[muppetmummy]

I lived with my parents for the first 3 months after having James. I found my mum a great help when I was finding my feet in how to care for a baby. She did try and take over at times without meaning to, but a word with her about it did the trick and she backed off a bit.
If you have a good relationship I think you'll find the help great

 

[annem]

I was so worried about my mum. I wanted it to be just me and my OH but my mum stayed in the local hotel and was really useful. She has been up every weekend and will continue to. I'd be lost without the support of family and my OH. I have a new respect for single mums trying to do it all alone.

Take all the help you can!

 

[tuck]

My mum came over to be with me when Matilda was born, she was here for 2 weeks prior to the birth and everything was great, where we lived was appartments and rather than stay in our one she stayed next door (or rather slept next door), however after baby was born my DH was a nightmare with my mum, he was really rude and obnoxious to her and she retailiated and they ended up having a big argument, it made my life a nightmare as I had a c section and trying to get used to a new baby, and trying to keep everyone happy I was knackered and in tears for most of the time. It all boiled down to my DH feeling very insecure and unsure, scared etc, all the normal feelings of new parents but he unfortunatly took it all out on my mum, I am only saying this as it ruined my first couple of weeks with baby as I was on edge all the time. they did sit down and talk after and both apologised both to each other and to me but the damage was done, when my Dad came out for the 2nd week after baby was born things were a bit easier, I wish my mum could have stayed longer as my MIL was no help during this time. Just that when have someone in the house 24/7 that you dont know very well (as in my DH and mums case) can be very very hard work.
I really hope that all goes well for you

 

[Princess_Puddles]

I appreicate my mum and dad SOOO much more now im a mum my self...


If your mum is anything like my mum, she'll bend over backwards to help you

I second what Lozzi has said!!

You will be fine with your Mum hun, you may well snap at her during the first few days/week because you're going to be tired, sore etc... but trust me once your Mums gone back home you really will miss her and all her help whether it was with the baby, around the house or just for a cuddle, so appreciate it whilst she's there!!